wingdream

Hello, it's me again. So I ended up getting an A on that bio exam I was just hoping I would pass. Yay me. XD I have three more weeks of this college shit and then I'm finally home!!!! Can't wait! Not that I'm doing very exciting stuff at home...well actually I am. But that doesn't include getting drunk and partying...well maybe. We'll see. ;]
Anyway here's a list, not that anybody other than me cares about my lists.

- GOING TO SEE DAVE MATTHEWS BAND AND JASON MRAZ OMFGGG
- Taking an Italian class at a nearby college because my actual college is racist towards Italians and I need 6 language credits for my degree. Sorry, taking ancient Greek, Latin, Russian, Japanese, Arabic, French, German, or Spanish doesn't please me. Yes, they offer ALL THOSE FUCKING LANGUAGES BUT ITALIAN. not shitting you. like, really? >.>
- I might start riding at a different barn than I used to ride at so I don't totally go sour over the summer. Like that whole experience I had with trying to volunteer at that camp last summer kinda made me not want to ride there anymore. Think I need to start fresh. Hell, there's enough horse barns around me that I won't have much trouble finding a new place. XD
- Going to try and get a summer job. I better get one. Or idk how the hell I'm going to pay for gas and riding lessons and other less important shit this summer.
- My dad better give me my car. Like, I complained to him and he was all like 'Yeah well I can't affording insuring it yet so you need to wait'. WELL TELL ME HOW MUCH MONEY IT IS AND WE'LL SPLIT IT. >.< Stop treating me like I'm my sister or brother, like I want to help out. Do I really need to tell them that? Why do they just have to assume they STILL need to pay for everything?
- I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out. Enough said. >.>

yeah that's good enough. I'm excited for the summer because I'm actually going to do important stuff and I won't be shut in the house for 3 months doing nothing but chores like I was my last couple of summers. Thank God those days are over.


I love writing these journals. They help me get my thoughts down and all instead of holding it all in all the time. It's nice. =]

OH and btw, I'm (mostly) giving up soda. I gave it up for Lent, and then when I had it for the first time on Easter, I realized that I don't need it and I also realized I lost some weight since I gave it up. So, from now on I'm going to drink much less soda.

Oh hey, this is me writing a journal instead of studying for my Biology exam that's tomorrow. You can tell I'm a very productive individual.
Life has been okayish lately. I'm really not doing that much right now - just going to school and riding every weekend and stuff. But I am going home for Easter though!! Can't wait =] It's gonna be tough though...it'll be the first time being home without my Sandy girl. My beautiful dog, who had been battling cancer for about year, passed away about 2 weeks ago. I don't think it's really hit me yet; everytime I see a picture of her or think of her...I have to remind myself she's gone, yet I don't believe it. I won't believe it until I come home..and she's not there to greet me. Nothing but a box of her ashes.
I've met another point in my college experience where I find myself alone much more than I'm hanging out with friends. It's me, mostly, and it's also them. My friends who I have been hanging out with this whole year are starting to experiment with drugs and I want no part of it. It bothers me SO MUCH that they are doing this, like I can't even begin. My one friend who's really starting to go into it is actually a friend who I really respect. Like she's soo smart and she's just an amazing person and I hate that she's doing this to herself now. I thought she was better than that. So yeah, I don't know. I feel bad that I don't want to hang out with them now because of this, but still.

Anyway, to escape from the negative things. I love my new roommate - she's never here. XD But it's not just that, she really is cool and is pretty much chill about everything. Like she doesn't freak the fuck out if I wake her up in the morning. That's nice. lol. I'm suddenly really obsessed with the show Danny Phantom - that show is fucking awesome. XD But I don't really want to admit it to anyone else cause they'll probably judge me lol. I'm sooo depressed it's cancelled and I won't have anymore episodes to watch once I reach the finale. My favorite episode so far is 'Reality Check'. XD I'm also still obsessed with Assassin's Creed...it's OBVIOUSLY the best game ever. I still have yet to beat AC2 though, sadly. I'll beat it and be caught up and stuff eventually. It would definitely  make my life if the next ancestor after Conner's story (Ac3) is from the Victorian England time...if there is another ancestor after Conner. Hopefully!!

Anyway, I really need to study. So I'm going to go study now and hopefully I'll pass and stuff.

oh hey, haven't done this in forever. Wow I'm whiny, jeez. XD My last ten journals were nothing but complaining. Cool.
Anyway, things are different now. Details are not important so a vague list will suffice. ^^

- Survived my 'Roommate From Hell' encounter
- Saved somebody's life and didn't get a thank you. (aka my Roommate from Hell)
- Got a new room
- Actually starting liking a guy
- Really started liking said guy
- Grew some balls and asked guy out
- Rejected by guy
- Failing math. Again.
- Still have annoying feelings for guy that won't go away.
- Spring break in a week
- I'm riding on Sunday - clearly favorite day of the week.


so yeah, that's about it...in a nutshell, I guess. I might just delete this deviant account and start over and stuff...but then I'd lose my favorites. XD So yeah I don't know.


A finger's touch upon my lips
It's a morning yearning, morning yearning
Pull the curtains shut, try to keep it dark
But the sun is burning, the sun is burning

oh hey, I hate how I'm always here whenever I'm having personal problems. Both my grandparents are in the hospital, my dog (who's suffering with cancer) looks horrible, my family is just fucked over right now, and I just feel really alone and troubled and shit right now. I look like shit, I have shadows under my eyes and I'm breaking out because of this stress. My wisdom teeth has just recently started killing me and now my cheeks are swollen, I need to have them taken out over Christmas break and I'm afraid of surgery. I saw 50/50 last night...I can't even begin to describe how much that movie struck me emotionally. I just...lost it. I was sobbing in that theater, but it was such a brilliant film. People should see it. I'm cussing a lot more often, and usually I'm pretty 'clean speeched'. But lately I just haven't been giving a shit. I don't want tot go back to college - people are just going to go out to their stupid parties and have fun while I stay in my dorm being the boring kid who doesn't drink while freaking out about my pathetic life as my freaking roommate has this girl over giggling and just being annoying and making me feel even worse because I don't have a friend like that. I have friends on campus, but I'm not close to them at all. Certainly don't feel comfortable telling them my problems as I know they won't give a shit.
Like I'd ever have a remote chance any man is interested in me right now, why would they? I'm shy and probably by their standard I'm not any fun. I want a relationship, I want somebody who cares about me and is there and just makes me happy. But no, boys these days don't want relationships -I they want sex and video games. that's it. So guess I'll be single for even longer. I know I'm not happy, obviously, but I can see it now when I look at myself..I can just see it in my own eyes. I just hate this, I'v felt this way for a long time and now it's just gotten a whole lot worse. I hate this, I don't deserve this shit. I've had enough.

In other news I'm getting great grades and might be on the Dean's list this semester. Fantastic. >.<

hey anybody who happens to read this. It's 2 in the morning, and I'm not tired! I should take a shower...I smell like pizza...but it's 2 in the morning. =/ ah well. morning time is shower time. So I dropped my math class, that makes me happier. I'm taking riding lessons again, which is totally awesome. I'm learning Dressage techniques now, which I think is really cool, I've always loved Dressage. My last lesson SUCKED though, I swear I wasted my damn money. >.> I was soooo tired and inattentive and had so much on my mind, could not focus. It was horrible. Oh well, hopefully my next lesson will be better. =] I'm determined now, I want to learn. I want to be proud of myself.
The people next door to me need to shut the hell up. >.> They're soooo loud. Ugh.
I still haven't gotten my tiramisu, but I'm still looking. ^^ There's this guy I MIGHT like, but I'm not sure yet cause I talked to him for like 2 minutes...but in that 2 minutes I liked him..so idk. lol yeah, working on it.
I'm about to post a new watercolor...yeah.
and now I'm tired, and I have heartburn. >.>

ciao!