oh hey, I hate how I'm always here whenever I'm having personal problems. Both my grandparents are in the hospital, my dog (who's suffering with cancer) looks horrible, my family is just fucked over right now, and I just feel really alone and troubled and shit right now. I look like shit, I have shadows under my eyes and I'm breaking out because of this stress. My wisdom teeth has just recently started killing me and now my cheeks are swollen, I need to have them taken out over Christmas break and I'm afraid of surgery. I saw 50/50 last night...I can't even begin to describe how much that movie struck me emotionally. I just...lost it. I was sobbing in that theater, but it was such a brilliant film. People should see it. I'm cussing a lot more often, and usually I'm pretty 'clean speeched'. But lately I just haven't been giving a shit. I don't want tot go back to college - people are just going to go out to their stupid parties and have fun while I stay in my dorm being the boring kid who doesn't drink while freaking out about my pathetic life as my freaking roommate has this girl over giggling and just being annoying and making me feel even worse because I don't have a friend like that. I have friends on campus, but I'm not close to them at all. Certainly don't feel comfortable telling them my problems as I know they won't give a shit.
Like I'd ever have a remote chance any man is interested in me right now, why would they? I'm shy and probably by their standard I'm not any fun. I want a relationship, I want somebody who cares about me and is there and just makes me happy. But no, boys these days don't want relationships -I they want sex and video games. that's it. So guess I'll be single for even longer. I know I'm not happy, obviously, but I can see it now when I look at myself..I can just see it in my own eyes. I just hate this, I'v felt this way for a long time and now it's just gotten a whole lot worse. I hate this, I don't deserve this shit. I've had enough.

In other news I'm getting great grades and might be on the Dean's list this semester. Fantastic. >.<